Guilty Conscience
by darkmickyangel
Summary: Another ANE one shot, this one contemplating Shiro's death. If you're squeamish I don't suggest you read. Its M for a reason.


"Don't ever call yourself my father again!"

Rin shouted, the panic clear and evident in his eyes as he yelled up at Shiro. Shiro moved without thinking, slapping the younger boy across his face to bring him to his senses.

Rin and everyone else in the room froze.

"Its almost day break. Hurry up and pack"

Shiro ordered. This wasn't the time and place for panic. The church was compromised- he needed to get Rin and Yukio to safety before stronger demons started coming after the twins. This wasn't the first time Shiro had to deal with people in shock- being introduced to the demon world was a harsh reality. But Shiro didn't have time to sit Rin down and explain everything to him.

It wasn't until Rin backed down and started walking away that Shiro realized he had crossed the line. He looked down at his hand, red with the impact, and realized that he had probably just thrown his fatherly relationship with Rin down the gutter. No, that wasn't the priority right now. Rin didn't need a father right now- he needed a commander. A commander wouldn't get them out alive- that was his mission. Get Rin out alive.

_Oh, but can you really look at him as just a pawn?_

Shiro's eyes widdened when he felt the darkness crash over him. he clutched his chest and dropped to the ground.

_After all this has all just been a game hasn't it? _A mocking voice whispered in his ear.

"Shit!"

"Fujimoto Sempai!"

"Don't come close! Get… get away!" Shiro groaned, trying to fight the waves of darkness surrounding him.

_We're all just pawns- pawns in the game. But can you really think of your loved ones as such? Such a cold hearted man you are, __**Shiro-san. **_The lights burst one after one along the sanctuary, casting the room into darkness.

Shiro gasped as darkness surrounded him, and suddenly he couldn't see or feel anything, he was suspended in nothingness.

"No!" Shiro cried out, struggling against the darkness. "Fuck!" Shiro took a second and forced himself to stop panicing- just like he and Mephisto had been practicing for all these years. He took a few calming breaths and took a step back from the situation. Satan was getting at him through a crack in his soul- a lie he was telling himself. A dark truth he wasn't accepting. That was how all demons got into people's hearts.

Shiro had trained for years to keep demons out of his heart- it was a harsh reality that he attracted them. He had learned to accept the harsh realies of what he truly was, to not lie to himself to prevent demons from possessing him. He had thought he had everything covered- but apparently not so. Satan possessing him was the result of a conflict within himself that he needed to resolve. Shiro sighed and closed his eyes, having a pretty good idea of the gap Satan had dug his way in from. Now that he realised it- it seemed obvious.

But did Shiro really want to admit to himself that he was such a horrible person?

"Somebody… help me!"

Rin's scream pierced through the darkness, and Shiro cursed again. All he could feel was darkness. There was darkness all around him- and a voice that was his but not his speaking.

"Happy Birthday, my son!"

"That's not your son! He's mine!" Shiro grit his teeth- and with effort of sheer will ripped his left arm out of the darkness.

_I am cold person! _Shiro admitted as he fought the darkness to regain control of his own body. A small part of his vision came into focus- blurry and blue. Blue everywhere, Satan's fire was everywhere, he could barely make out Rin's figure, but not much. _I've lied, cheated, killed! I know who and what I am._

Shiro confessed internally, knowing these truths to be issues he had come to terms with over the years. Everything was one big chess board afterall, with God having given the chess pieces free wills to do as they please. Shiro had been on the board for a long time, a pawn of a pawn of a pawn. All he could do was trust his king that he would stay on the board for another round, nothing more. The darkness fought against him as he moved, making the simple motion of lifting his exorcist pin a feat of great strength.

_Just because I made Yukio and Rin pawns in this sick game, doesn't mean I'm going to let you move them about as you please! They're mine! No yours!_

Shiro yelled silently, and with his confession the darkness burned away partially, as the crack in his heart closed with his acceptance of this truth. Satan was within him still though, he had dug darkness into Shiro's body- he wasn't going to leave so easily. Shiro only had one choice, and he took it without hesitation. To save his sons, and his friends.

He plunged the pin deep into his heart, "he's my son," Shiro said to the darkness, pain racking his mortal body as his heart stuttered and pumped blood into his chest cavity. "and you'll give him back!"

_"You filthy exorcist!" _Satan shouted, and with a stagger they both fell forward.

_It was a good life, _Shiro thought, as he felt his life slip out of his body, _I've done all I can for these two- I just hope they manage to survive in this fucked up game. _

"_Taking your own life- what a wordly preist you are_" Satan sighed almost disappointedly, as Shiro's heart stuttered, "_But its too late- the Gehenna gate won't let go of anything_."

Shiro closed his eyes, as he felt his give out its last beat.

_Che- You're underestimating him. Rin would never give up that easily._

Satan wasn't there anymore, Shiro couldn't feel the darkness around him. But he couldn't feel anything else either- was this death?

_That was a stupid question to ask_, Shiro chided himself, _You just fucking killed yourself- of coarse this is death! _

Shiro tried to look around- but he couldn't see. Or feel, or hear, or anything. It wasn't even black all around with him suspended in it like those anime or movies portrayed. It was just nothing- a void.

_Oh my god what if I'm in space?! _Shiro thought, and immediately began cackling at the idea. (internally though, he couldn't make noise) The image of him floating through the stars just seemed such a ridiculous way to spend an afterlife.

_You humans always come up with such interesting ideas. _Satan's voice rung out from somewhere nearby. Shiro could almost feel the darkness coming from one direction. Like that feeling one gets when someone is standing right behind you, though you didn't see them or feel them walk up.

_Its God's gift to humans, stupidity. _Shiro thought/said, wondering if he could orient himself to face the darkness, or if orientation was even a thing in this dimension- no fuck that he wanted to be able to smile. Give satan his biggest shit eating grin~ that would be something. Shiro had just bested the closest equivalent to god- it was a good day.

_Yes, the power of giving free thought in his creations has always been god's true power, _Satan hummed, _Such interesting creatures he creates, with such strange ways of thinking. You know what my sons could become- yet you took pity on them anyway. raised them as your own._

_It wasn't pity. _Shiro would have scowled if he had a face to do so, _Its an emotion called love. you wouldn't understand._

_I understand love- I loved Yuri._ The darkness flared around him in anger,_ Then the Vatican took her away from me… she would have showed me how to raise Rin and Yukio with love. But Humans seem intent on keeping the secrets of their emotions to themselves._

_You can't understand because no one explains. I guess I can see your logic there- _Shiro contemplated, it was rather stupid of him to accuse Satan of not being able to love- when he had killed how many people to keep Yuri from burning? _I see your point, _Shiro said after a while, _But I'm still not letting you get a hold of the twins- I know what you plan to do with them. While I admire your struggle to understand how we think- you're a long way off from understanding anything._

_You dare test a being of my power?_

_Of coarse! Anyway, _Shiro said casually, changing the subject while the evil god sputtered,_ What are you doing here? Isn't this purgatory? Or is it Gehenna? Come to give me my eternal punishment like the good servant you are? _Shiro teased. He could almost sense the darkness bristeling at his teasing.

_God is looking over your life and will make his judgment soon. You will either go to heaven, or fall into Gehenna where he sends all the unworthy souls._

Satan said plainly, though he didn't sound pleased at this fact. Shiro didn't quite blame him, technically he was just in charge of God's trash can after all. He wouldn't want him in his dimension either.

_I just wanted to say something before you fall into the dimension fully. _Satan said, making Shiro perk up out of his thoughts.

_Aw, you wanted to thank me for raising Rin and Yukio? _Shiro asked, wishing he could give his shit eating grin to the darkness, _No need to thank me for that, you big softie._

_Oh shit you were seriously going to thank me for raising them? _

_No! I was-_

_Oh my god! they get it from you don't they! _Shiro laughed at the conformation of something he had been wondering for years, _That awkwardness when they get caught off guard or admit something- It comes from you doesn't it?_

_I don't know what you're talking about._

_Now you're getting defensive just like they do! _Shiro laughed, _oh this just made my day. They all do the same thing- Rin, Yukio, and Mephisto. I always wondered but now I know- do you get all red when you're embarrassed too? _

_Of all the impudence-_

_Don't you dare go off on some rant on me- _Shiro said determinedly, _I may be human but I've put up with three- no three and a _half_ of your children. Amaimon counts as a least a half. You owe me for babysitting them all these years. Do you know how much shit I've had to put up with? Metaphorically and physically-_

_No one ever said you had to put up with them human! _

_Yeah I guess you're right. _Shiro couldn't help but give a small smile- or whatever this bodiless form could muster of one. There was nothing like messing with an all-power being to raise one's spirits. Shiro started when he felt a tug- almost like one of those tugs one felt when they got on an elevator.

_God's made his decision it seems, _Satan supplied bitterly.

_I guess I'll be seeing you in hell then? _Shiro asked, as he felt the sense of darkness grow further away from him. He highly doubted he'd get into heaven. He'd technically sold his soul a few years back, though Mephisto didn't know it yet. His little parting gift to the white clad demon. His record was no where near clean either- no surprise to him that he wouldn't see the pearly gates.

_Prove your worth, _Satan said, his voice growing quieter as Shiro was pulled away from him, _And we just might. Welcome to hell, Shiro Fujimoto._

Shiro wished he could wave and give Satan a giant grin as a parting gift, but it was a little impossible with this nothingness form. He felt the feeling in his gut pull just a little harder, and then a sound, far off in the distance and getting closer- as well as other senses. Such as tingling sensations in his limbs- Oh so he did have a body. That was confusing, but he wasn't complaining.

Shiro frowned, and then started when he realized what all the sensations were telling his mind.

He was falling, and falling fast.

Shiro ripped his eyes open as if he had been asleep, and found himself looking at… the ground? But he was falling away from it even though it was quite a ways away. Shiro flipped onto his stomach, and gritted his teeth- nope this direction was the ground- a blotch mixture of red, white and black, uneven and very solid. Shiro oriented himself the best he could, and hit the ground on his right shouler, rolling into the impact with a grunt.

The ground was more forgiving than it looked, partially solid and partially liquid something like mud. He landed on the side of a hill, and found himself rolling uncontrollably until he came to a stop. His shoulder stung like hell, and he had bruises and mud everywhere- but he didn't think he had any major damage.

But then again there was adrenaline pumping through his systems so he could just not be feeling it.

He hissed and pulled himself up off the ground- only to have what he was resting his weight onto cave in with a squelch. The movement made him fall to the side- onto a half rotten corpse. Shiro started and pulled back- and froze when he realised that that was what the ground was- a pile of dead, decaying corpses. And his hand- had just caved in the chest of a nearly full rotted woman's chest cavity. Or it looked like it had been a woman- it was hard to tell without his glasses.

Shiro reared back and vomited- or rather dry heaved at the sight and the _smell _it hadn't been mud he had slid on- it had been the juices of half decayed human beings- every step he took was a crunch of bones and flesh- beneath each corpse another, and then another.

Shiro wanted to cover his mouth- but he was already filthy with the blood and rotten flesh. He started to try and scrape some of it off- but it just spread around. He grimaced at the fact that he was also naked. Naked and standing on a pile of corpses that were equally naked.

"fuck, fuck" Shiro whispered, looking around. He mentally slapped himself when he realized he was panicking.

"don't stand here like a dumb ass esquire!" he chided himself, "Assess your surroundings!"

Shiro tuned out the fact that he was filthy and naked, and standing on half rotten corpses, tuned out the smell of the rotten flesh all around him, and calmly looked around him for the first time. Thank god he was far sighted, not near sighted. That way he could at least see where he was going in the long run. What he saw didn't help his mood much- Hills and hills of dead corpses, so high they stretched up on all sides, like mountains- even the sky ceiling was- oh no wait.

Shiro blinked as he examined the world he had found himself in. It was a sphere, a giant circle. And he was standing on the inside, rather than the outside. The gravity pulling them outward rather than to a center point. Not giant mountains then, just different physics. A black miasma seemed to be floating in the center of the sphere, miles up. It was a black mass that had no shape or form. It floated in the center of the 'sky.'

A scream came from above, and Shiro winced as he saw a human fall out of the black area, and to the side of the mass. It sounded like a woman- quite old. He saw her hit the side of the sphere to his right. He winced, he didn't think she made the fall.

The sound of something moving made Shiro start and he pressed himself close against the limbs of the mound of dead people, piled in the hill he had just rolled down. He let his body go limp, hanging his head to hide his neck and breathing as shallowly as possible. He tried to blend into the corspes around him to disguise himself. A fat man climbed over a small hill, he was absolutely filthy, and was not a pleasant sight to behold in all his naked glory, even with Shiro's fuzzy vision.

"god please!" the man said, his hands clasped in front of each other, "I didn't mean to kill her! It was an accident! I'll repent, I'll do anything! Just have mercy!" the man cried, as he ran across the small gully Shiro had landed in, "god please!"

Two seconds after the man had entered the shallow depression, a demon ran over the hill after him. It was a mirade of different human limbs, all linked together in a chain and moving awkwardly like a spider from hell. It jumped a good five feet from the top of the hill, and landed on top of the man. In the center of all the limbs was a face, and it started eating the man alive- well alive in this sense. Blood went everywhere- and the man couldn't fight back because of the many limbs pinning him down. When the man finaly bled out, a translucent white light floated out of the corpse. The demon spat out the rib it had in its mouth and its tonge and snapped at the white light like it was a frog's. The demon swallowed what Shiro guessed was the man's soul, and the spirit shuddered, and grew just a tad bit larger. It skittered from side to side, as if assessing the area, and then climbed up one of the small hills like a crab and disappeared. Shiro didn't remove himself from his hiding place until the demon had long gone.

This area wasn't safe, he had to get to higher ground, down here in this gully he was a sitting duck. He checked the surrounding hills for more demons, and then after a quick decision, went in the opposite direction the spider had gone, climbing up a hill of corpses to get a better view of his surrounding area. This was harder than it sounded- as the flesh itself was slippery and hard to grab onto- especially when he realized just what he was grabbing onto. Sometimes limbs would detach, or chest cavities would collapse under his weight. By the time Shiro reached the top of the hill he had landed on originally he was covered in so much filth he almost didn't have a patch of bare skin on his… bare skin.

Shiro grimaced as he came to the top of the hill, and got his first good look at his surroundings. Hills of bodies stretched for mile upon mile, curving up into the round dome of the inverted planet. similar demons from earlier skittering across the surface with small movements. He could make out hundreds of live souls walking around aimlessly. Most were seemed to be begging for their lives or running around in a panic. A scream came from above as yet another soul fell into the dimension.

"welcome to hell indeed," Shiro muttered.

The x-Paladin took in the sight with a mind forged in many battles, realizing that this was just another battle in front of him. Shiro took a deep breath, and turned to walk back down the hill of corpses.

And came face-to-face with Rin.

Or what looked like Rin-

he had long ears and fangs.

"you told me I was human" the figure cried up at him, clutching the demon sword to his chest.

His voice was filled with hurt and pain, and sorrow, and _betrail._

It shattered Shiro's heart.

"Rin i'm-" Shiro stepped forward, only to find in a blink that the figure had disapeared.

"you think exuses will make up for what you've done!"

A challenging voice came from behind him, Shiro turned once again, this time finding his other son, looking at him angrily.

"You lied to us, tangled _children_ up into your web of lies." Yukio shouted, marching forward, Shiro took a step back as the teenager, "What am I supposed to do Father!?" Yukio asked angrily, tears forming at the edges of his eyes, Yukio looked down at his hands, they were shaking, "I'm going to have to kill my own brother. I'm going to have to kill him."

"No!" Shiro said determindly, reaching forward to grasp Yukio's shoulders, "you don't. Rin's strong, he won't let himself change like that."

"you really think that?" Rin asked, reappearing behind Yukio, he tugged Yukio away from Shiro's grasp, the older brother looked even more demonic, there were horns curling out of his hair and claws on his hands. the figure sneered, "you're a fool. Nothing escapes Satan's clutches, you know that."

"Brother will turn, as will I" Yukio said solomly, the two twins standing side by side, Yukio started to twist and deform as well, becoming as demonic as his brother "and its all your fault."

"all your fault," Rin agreed, and the brothers said it once more, before disapearing.

"All your fault, Shiro Fujimoto."

**A/N:**

**I do not own any characters within the series.**

**Ratings for... yeah a little to late for that.**

**This was supposed to turn into a long story, related to some other one shot's I've done in this fandom. However doing one single story just hasn't worked out for me. Even though I talked out the plot and had a lot of cool concepts down, I'm just feeling these one shots more. (Sorry Dimwit)**


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